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BUSH USING MASSIVE IDENTITY THEFT SCAM TO FINANCE DEFICIT
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CHARLOTTE, NC – Investigating claims turned over to his office by Bank of America, state Attorney General Roy Cooper announced today that he has uncovered the largest case of identity theft in history, a scam Cooper says reaches all the way to the top, implicating President Bush as the current “mastermind” of the operation.
Cooper explained that, for each of the past three years, it appears the President has financed growing deficits in his annual budgets by opening thousands of credit card
accounts under fictitious names such as “Uncle Sam” and maxing out those accounts.
While confirming he has detailed evidence to support the charges, Cooper cautioned that it will still be very difficult to secure an indictment against the President because most grand jury members may find it hard to believe President Bush could be a “mastermind” in any respect.
White House officials have denied the charges, saying that if anyone is at fault, it is Bank of America, which continued to send “Uncle Sam” dozens of new credit card applications each week despite the fact that “Uncle Sam” never paid off any of the other accounts.
“It’s really not a big deal,” said White House press secretary Scott McClellan, dismissing the allegations. “I mean it’s not like the President stole the identity of a real person. He just copied the made-up name his father and Reagan used, so no harm, no foul.”
Uncle Sam, a retired mill worker in Wilkes-Barre, PA, said he begged to differ. “I applied for a loan with Bank of America last week,” Uncle Sam explained, “and you know what I found out after the bank refused my loan? According to Equifax, I have over $6 trillion in credit card debt!”
“I’m on Social Security,” he added, “I can’t possibly pay that off.”
“He’s on Social Security?” McClellan asked when told of Uncle Sam’s plight. “In that case, I may have some more bad news for Uncle Sam.” |
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