CITIBANK OFFERS NEW ‘URANIUM’ MASTERCARD
SIOUX CITY, SD – In the race between financial services companies to offer credit cards named after ever-heavier and rarer metals, analysts say Citibank has scored a major coup being the first to offer a “Uranium” MasterCard to its customers.

As Citibank expected, narcissistic suburbanites across America rushed to be the first on their cul-de-sacs to have the new Uranium Mastercard and to show off the miniature “Geiger counter” than comes with the card. But the real success of the Uranium card has been in the Middle East, where thousands of terrorists have accepted pre-approved Uranium card offers believing the cards may contain actual Uranium.

Whether Citibank’s success in the Middle East will continue is difficult to say according to analysts who note that a recent attempt by terrorists to detonate a “dirty bomb” in Saudi Arabia resulted only in a large littering fine after the explosion scattered several hundred Uranium cards in the streets near Riyadh’s financial district.

Analysts also cautioned that the Bank of Pakistan will soon offer a Weapons Grade Plutonium Visa, which could siphon significant business in the Middle East away from Citibank’s Uranium Mastercard.
MockingWord is intended for use only by those 18 years of age and older. All stories are fiction, parody, opinion or satire and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 2003 MockingWord.

All rights reserved. Privacy Policy.