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DEAN FEARS CURSE, BEGS GORE TO ENDORSE SOMEONE ELSE
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NEW ORLEANS, LA – Ecstatic last month that Al Gore’s endorsement would likely cinch him the Democratic nomination, Vermont Gov. Howard Dean is now said to be worried that Gore’s endorsement will be the death of his campaign. Taking no chances, Dean’s campaign manager, Joe Trippi was spied yesterday entering voodoo shops in the French Quarter, desperately seeking help in lifting what campaign workers are calling “the curse of Macarena Al.”
“Think about it,” Trippi vented while handing sealed official documents from Vermont to campaign workers for shredding. “For months we’ve been winning voters by claiming the President couldn’t even spell ‘economy’ or ‘Saddam Hussein,’ much less do a thing about either one. Then Gore jumps on the bandwagon and crazy shit starts happening. You can’t tell me Ghadafi would have admitted his WMD programs before the election if there wasn’t a curse.”
“Fortunately,” Trippi continued, growing calmer as the shredder reduced yet another stack of documents to confetti, “I think I’ve found a way to reverse the curse, but most animal rights activists aren’t going to be happy.”
For his part, Dean seemed less confident in the idea of using voodoo to reverse the curse, choosing instead to beg Gore to retract his endorsement and endorse someone else, preferably President Bush himself.
Reached shortly after returning from a Santeria supply store, Gore staffers vigorously refuted charges of a curse. “I can’t think of anything further from the truth,” scoffed one staffer who was barely visible through a cloud of chicken feathers. “Pure propaganda,” another staffer hiccupped before tossing several newts into a steaming cauldron, “if there were a curse, it would be the curse of Justices Rehnquist, Scalia and Thomas, not the curse of Al Gore.”
“Al Gore has done more for this nation than anyone in recent history,” the staffer continued, “after all, you’re reading this on the Internet aren’t you?”
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