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SEVEN HURT IN VIAGRA ACCIDENT AT DOLE EVENT
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RALEIGH, NC – Never having lived with his wife, Senator Elizabeth Dole, in her home state of North Carolina, former Kansas Senator, Presidential Candidate and Viagra pitchman, Bob Dole can be forgiven for misunderstanding his wife’s question at a recent political event. But whether accident victims will agree or not is another issue.
As a beach music band struck up the first few notes after dinner, Mrs. Dole reportedly asked her husband if he “wanted to go shag,” referring to the popular Southern style of dancing, rather than the more lurid meaning of the term known to Mr. Dole and everyone else in America.
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Bob Dole hawking Viagra: Did he understand the risks?
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“Hearing his wife’s request to ‘shag,’” an aide explained, “Mr. Dole apparently slammed three or four Viagra pills while still at the table, thinking they wouldn’t kick in until he and Mrs. Dole got to the limousine. Tragically,” the aide continued, “Mrs. Dole lead him by the hand, not to the limousine, but to the dance floor, which is where the event occurred.”
Seeing the growing problem, a number of staffers rushed to Mr. Dole’s aid, encircling him to shield onlookers while escorting him from the dance floor. But when Mr. Dole turned back out of political habit to wave at the crowd, he reportedly clubbed several staffers, causing the whole group to fall in an awkward pile.
Emergency room personnel reported that Mrs. Dole suffered severe blunt force trauma, but was expected to recover fully, while two of her aides were treated and released after suffering black eyes. At press time, little was known of Mr. Dole’s condition, or that of the remaining three staffers involved in the accident.
“We can only confirm that three people were speared,” a paramedic at the scene told reporters, “We must pray the trauma surgeons are skilled.”
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