NEW YORK – Ending months of speculation, famous hair stylist Vidal Sassoon made it official today: John Kerry is his choice for the next President of the United States.

"I haven't seen anything with that much hair since the Cro-Magnon Man exhibit at the Smithsonian," Sassoon laughed.  "I'll bet I could even style his back hair if he'd let me."

Stylists in Sassoon's Manhattan studio agreed with the maestro's opinion.  "The Big Thicket National Preserve may be in Bush's home state of Texas, but the real Big Thicket is right there atop Kerry's head," added black-clad "hair artist" Pavel.  "There's no way Kerry was ever exposed to Agent Orange."

"John, if you're listening, I'll work on you personally," creative director Rafeal Fabian promised wistfully.   "To make something out of that cosmetological nightmare would be my Everest."

"Rinse, lather, repeat.  Oh baby."

While stung by Sassoon's endorsement of his chief rival, President Bush nevertheless vowed to continue fighting.

"The President isn't giving up," a defiant campaign aide announced on CNN's American Morning.  "Even if the President loses Paul Mitchell too, this isn't over by a long shot."

"With Jessica Simpson assisting the Secretary of the Interior, we should get Good Housekeeping's endorsement," the aide predicted.  "And, unless Kerry picks John Edwards for Vice President, the President feels confident he'll get the nod from Glamour Shots, which is huge because of the number of rural voters they bring to the table."