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METEOROLOGIST
CALLED RACIST FOR WARNING ABOUT 'BLACK' ICE
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FAYETTEVILLE,
NC – Besieged last week by winter storms dumping
snow, sleet and freezing rain on the Carolinas,
citizens often turned to local meteorologist Dave
Barnes for the latest weather developments.
What began one evening as a routine weather report,
however, ended up an angry debate about racial sensitivity
and runaway political correctness.
The uproar
began when Barnes warned viewers about 'black ice'
and advised people not to leave their homes until
the black ice was gone. Barnes also explained
that 'black' ice is much more dangerous than regular
'white' ice, especially at night.
"That racist muthaf#@&*r!" exclaimed
local radical Louis Panther X when told of Barnes'
comments. "Where does he get off talking about
honkey ice like its better than brutha ice.
Damn. Does the Klan own that TV station?"
Reached along the roadside after crashing on what
she called "surprisingly hard to see ice that
blended in with the charcoal-gray pavement,"
local university professor Emily LeBral likewise
condemned Barnes' comments as "hate speech,"
saying she recalled that "black ice" was
originally a pejorative term "used by slave
traders in West Africa."
" What the hell is she talking about?"
Barnes asked, taking up his own defense. "Does
she really think there was a lot of ice in equatorial
West Africa back than? What am I missing?"
"Black ice is called 'black' ice because it
looks black on asphalt, which is also black I might
point out," Barnes ranted. "There
are black bears, black crayons and black paint,
all of which, not surprisingly, are black.
Is Crayola racist? What about Sherwin-Williams?"
Former North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms said he
supported Barnes one hundred percent and would be
willing to cross the line of protesters around Barnes'
home if asked to do so. "I collect slave
trade memorabilia by the way," Helms noted
wistfully.
"Aw hell, never mind. I give up,"
Barnes sighed.
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