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BUSH
CHALLENGES RICHARD CLARKE TO DUEL
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WASHINGTON
– Angered by former counterterrorism advisor
Richard Clarke's recent revelations, President Bush
this morning challenged Clarke to a duel with pistols
at "high noon" outside the "Smithsonian
corral."
Unsure
which of the Smithsonian museums the President might
be referring to as the "Smithsonian corral,"
Clarke went to the Smithsonian National Museum of
American History thinking that the best bet, but
the President was nowhere to be found.
"I knew Clarke was a chickensh*t," the
President exclaimed triumphantly while climbing
out from hiding in the Apollo service module at
the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. "I
couldn't have given him clearer instructions.
It's no wonder Clarke single-handedly screwed up
all our best counter-terrorism plans."
"Oh well," the President continued, humming
Kenny Rogers' "Coward of the County" as
he stripped off his bullet-proof vest, "if
Clarke's too afraid to fight like a man, we'll just
round up a bunch of my lackeys to do some good,
old-fashioned character assassination."
In an historical footnote to the day's events, Bush
is thought to be the first well-known politician
to challenge another to a duel since Aaron Burr
famously challenged and shot down Alexander Hamilton
at the Weehawken, New Jersey dueling grounds in
1804.
"Who's Alexander Hamilton?" Bush asked
when told of the historic duel.
Reached by way of a seance conducted by a former
chief advisor to President Ronald Reagan, Burr and
Hamilton agreed for what historians believe is the
first time ever, saying that the thought of
President Bush having his finger on anything more
dangerous than the "saltpeter trigger"
scared the hell out them.
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