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BUSH SAYS TERRORISTS UNAWARE OF WEAK SECURITY AT SEAPORTS
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NORFOLK, VA – Addressing concerns about his continuing failure to fund increased homeland security measures at our nation’s seaports, where less than 3 percent of container freight is
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Terrorists don’t know this ship won’t be searched
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checked for nuclear bombs or other dangerous weapons, President Bush argued it was unlikely terrorists would attempt to smuggle weapons of mass destruction into the U.S. via a seaborne shipping container.
“First of all,” the President said while touring port facilities in Norfolk, “Terrorists don’t know we check only 2 or 3 percent of shipping containers, so that right there is a good thing.”
“Besides, I can tell you right now these containers are safe,” the President continued walking up to a number of containers taken off a Pakistani freighter. “See this one here. It’s ticking. Must be a shipment of clocks.”
“And what about that one over there that’s sort of glowing?” he asked pointing to another container. “I say that’s full of silly putty.”
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A man with bad socks, and no security training, wonders why this shipping container is ticking
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“Now this one here that’s humming a little. We might want to open that one up.” He added, displaying appropriate concern. “We could find a barbershop quartet of illegal immigrants locked in there or something.”
“So you see anyway,” President Bush concluded, “There’s no real danger here.”
“It’s much more likely terrorists will secretly build an artificial, submersible island somewhere,” Bush explained, “and from that base launch sophisticated nuclear missile attacks against America. That’s why I’m spending billions on missile defense and under-funding port security and other unreasonable measures.”
“That and I need to push another tax cut for my friends, I mean the American people, through Congress in the spring,” he added. “Nobody understands the obvious stuff sometimes.”
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