GANGSTA OR WANKSTA? WHITE MIDDLE-AGED RAP FANS STUDIED
BOSTON, MA – In this the first of what promises to be a series of revealing reports on her ongoing study of white, middle-aged male rap music fans, Harvard sociologist Dr. Shaniqua Ma’afaalah explained that she began her study by giving each participant a questionnaire and then interviewing each participant about his responses. Dr. Ma’afaalah cautioned, however, that the results of her study should not be used to support race-based stereotypes of middle-aged white males.

Describing the questionnaire, Dr. Ma’afaalah said she first asked each middle-aged white guy (even the balding ones) whether he was a “Gangsta” or a “Wanksta.” Participants could also answer “Don’t Know.” Dr. Ma’afaalah reported that over 69% said they were “Gangstas,” with the balding guys often adding an exclamation point, while only 15% said “Wankstas.” The remaining 16% admitted they had no idea.

“If you could see these guys,” Dr. Ma’afaalah told reporters, “you would see that their responses clearly highlight the distinction between their subjective self-image as ‘Gangstas’ and, let's be honest, the reality that these guys couldn’t be more than ‘Wankstas’ on a good day. It gets worse,” she said, “when you consider that, in subsequent interviews, almost all of the guys who answered ‘Wanksta’ admitted to thinking they were picking the ‘the cool one.’ Damn.”

A later question borrowing from the hit Eminem song “Lose Yourself” – played almost hourly for months last year on popular radio stations – asked each participant: “If your palms are sweaty, your knees are weak, and your arms are heavy, what’s on your sweater already?” Despite the fact it was not one of the multiple-choice answers provided, Dr. Ma’afaalah reported that an astounding 52% of participants wrote in the same answer: “a monogram.”

"Damn", Dr. Ma’afaalah said as she struggled to explain the results, “If you just compare the raw data from the two questions, what jumps out at you is that a large percentage of the white guys who said they were “Gangstas” also wrote in the ‘monogram’ answer. I have nothing against white guys or anything, but damn. I mean damn.”

“I can’t even talk about the answers to the ‘ho’ questions right now.”
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