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GREENPEACE CONFIRMS UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER OF FRANCE
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PARIS, FRANCE – Crew aboard the Rainbow Warrior II say they were simply following a fleet of French fishing boats, protesting irresponsible fishing practices, when they came upon the French naval detachment. Group leaders called full steam ahead, with cameras rolling, seeking media exposure in a confrontation with the French navy and recalling the day when French agents sunk the original Rainbow Warrior. Much to their surprise, however, the Admiral of the French fleet avoided confrontation by offering his nation’s full and complete surrender.
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The intimidating Rainbow Warrior II - Jacque Chirac (not pictured) remains shackled below deck
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“They were approaching at what appeared to be ramming speed,” the French Admiral said from his blue, green, yellow and red-striped holding cell. “Our naval manual requires me to offer our unconditional surrender in such circumstances.”
“Or I might have been drunk,” he added.
“I saw the whole thing,” said Unkynk, a beluga whale in the area for its annual mating ritual, “I couldn’t believe it until I smelled a ton of cologne.”
“They offered to surrender France to me once when I bumped into one of their ‘destroyers’,” another whale told CNN, “but I’m not a land mammal and I really don’t do well around smokers.”
Greenpeace seems to be warming to the idea of owning France, even planning to hold a rally and parade in the streets of Paris next week. As for longer-term plans, however, Greenpeace had no official comment except to say that instead of simply protesting Norwegian whaling next month, they hoped instead to conquer Norway.
“This plan is not without risk,” said a spokesman for Greenpeace, “We are concerned the former French army will surrender to Norway. If that happened I guess we wouldn’t have France anymore.”
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