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GREENSPAN MANIPULATING ECONOMY 'JUST FOR FUN'
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WASHINGTON
– Insiders with the U.S. Federal Reserve Board
report that Chairman Alan Greenspan, who is likely
serving his last term, has been manipulating the
economy "just for fun" in a fleeting display
of his immense power.
Known for his nearly indecipherable language when
describing economic conditions, Greenspan is said
to have enjoyed "deep, belly-splitting laughs"
after a recent speech before Congress in which he
succinctly advised that, "as a hedge against
downturns in the economy, each American should own
a cow, a pig, no less than six laying hens, and
at least one acre of land suitable for growing vegetables
and grains."
"Pork-bellies are on the way up," Greenspan
reportedly deadpanned after the speech.
His comments at the Open Markets Committee meeting
also caused a stir in global currency markets.
"It might be strong against the dollar now,
but the Euro might as well be Canadian
Greenspan not-so-subtly insults Congress
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money as far
as I'm concerned," Greenspan remarked.
"And I wouldn't let anyone
pay in yen if I were you."
Greenspan also told reporters the Fed planned to
raise interest rates but, instead of using increments
of 25 or 50 basis points, he said the Fed would
use exponents of 25 or 50.
"God this is fun," he added before ordering
the U.S. Mint to double production.
Staffers say Greenspan is drunk on his own power.
"He told the AFL-CIO yesterday that
corporate layoffs were going to rise again,"
one staffer recalled, "but that people shouldn't
fear losing jobs because opportunities for indentured
servitude were at an all time high."
"He's just insatiable," the staffer continued.
"This morning he sent a letter to President
Bush saying the best way to reduce the trade deficit
was by 'conquering foreign lands.' I think
he even said 'Mexico had to be assimilated.'
He told me Bush might do it if he gets re-elected."
"Do you have a windmill, or even a waterwheel?"
Greenspan asked when reached in connection with
this article. "You should."
"And, you know, on this whole deficit thing,"
he added, "I might just pull some money right
out of everyone's checking account." |
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