   |
      |
|
|
|
NEXT-GEN MOBILE PHONES TO HAVE ANGRY WOMAN CALLER ID
|
|
|
|
SAN JOSE, CA – Hearing the cries of male consumers around the globe, mobile phone companies have developed an advanced caller ID feature that will allow mobile phone users to determine before answering whether an incoming caller is an angry woman or whether it is safe to answer the call.
Most next-generation mobile phones will have the feature, which will require all female callers to complete an automated “mood detection” survey before a male call recipient’s phone will ring. Mobile phones with the feature will use a color-coded lighting syst
em to display the current “anger-alert status” of each incoming woman caller.
The technology is so sophisticated that female callers who respond to survey questions by saying they are “fine,” or who use sarcastic tones in saying they are “great,” will be shown on the caller ID display with a yellow or orange lighting code, indicating either an elevated or a high risk that the caller is an angry woman.
To ensure customer satisfaction, the angry woman caller ID feature will be bundled with two other features known as “auto-static” and “auto-apology.” These features can be used if the angry woman caller ID fails to identify an angry woman, or if a man foolishly answers his phone before noticing the anger-alert status of the incoming woman caller. These features can also be used if a once-happy female becomes angry at any point during a call.
At the push of a button, the auto-static feature will overlay call transmissions with realistic-sounding static for up to one minute before dropping the call and automatically reporting the mobile user as “out of service area” if the angry woman attempts to call back.
The auto-apology feature allows mobile users to record up to fifty different apologetic statements that can then be set to play back on endless loop in the event an angry woman caller cannot be avoided. The feature automatically inserts appropriate pauses between playbacks of recorded apologetic statements so as to communicate genuine concern to the angry female caller.
Sensing the extreme profit potential in gender-specific features, mobile phone companies are said to be hard at work on another new feature for male users that will automatically say “yes” or “uh-huh” from time to time during calls while at the same time screening out the sound of the football game the male call recipient is watching when he should be listening.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
