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SPIKE TV TO AIR LESBIAN REALITY SHOW
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NEW YORK – The world’s “first network for men,” Spike TV, today announced that it will begin airing episodes of its long-awaited reality show: “Loving Lesbians.”
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“With celebrities such as Rosie O’Donnell and Anne Heche openly discussing their sexuality,” Spike TV spokesman John Wayne Bobbitt explained, “some here at Spike TV felt it was time to give our male viewers a thoughtful, respectful look at the issues faced by women who are attracted to other women. Fortunately, this show won’t have anything to do with that crap.”
Like many other popular reality shows, the attractive female star was lured onto the show under false pretenses. Promised her choice of eligible mates, she gets a shock in the initial episode when she finds out they’re all women.
“We wanted to see what would happen,” Bobbitt told the media, “if we took a hot young woman, plied her with liquor shots, and encouraged other hot women to gyrate near her on the dance floor. Would she be tempted? Would she fall in love? Or at least make love? A lot? Or would we just have to shut the whole thing down, hire a bunch of porn stars, and pretend like this was a reality show?”
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Spike TV expects new show to raise, uh, ratings
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The show introduces a novel concept to the reality-dating genre. Contestants are strongly encouraged to have intimate encounters with as many other contestants as possible. The only requirements are that a quart of baby-oil and a camera be nearby at all times. Inversion is highly recommended, but not required. Additionally, instead of potential suitors being eliminated every week, each show ends with another gorgeous lesbian arriving at the tropical resort.
“That was a no-brainer,” Bobbitt chuckled. “Ask any guy. If you’ve got ten, smoking-hot lesbians, would you rather have nine or eleven? Having survived a rather unpleasant subtraction, I can tell you addition is a much more beautiful thing.”
“Spike TV is onto something big here,” Nielsen ratings guru A.C. Johnson opined. “Our focus group research shows that attractive lesbians score the highest rating among men that we’ve ever seen, especially if the lesbians are described as ‘frolicking.’”
“We’re also surprised at the support this show has gotten from organizations such as N.O.W. They were especially enthusiastic at Spike’s decision to shoot in Vermont so that the lead character could enter into a legally binding monogamous, caring relationship if she wanted. But God, I hope that doesn’t happen.”
“If you think this is big,” promised Bobbitt. “You ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait until next fall when we unveil ‘Loving Lesbians – Utah Style.’”
“Loving Lesbians” will be broadcast without commercial interruption by Luv My Carpet and the Vermont Tourism Council.
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