   |
      |
|
|
|
STRAYER UNIVERSITY’S FIRST VALEDICTORIAN ‘SHOCKED’ AT LACK OF JOB OFFERS
|
|
|
|
SPIVEY’S CORNER, NC – When he entered the chat room to give his valedictory address as the first valedictorian of Strayer’s newly-founded internet university, Dr. Jed Palmer thought his future couldn’t look brighter. A year later and still unemployed, Jed lives in his parent’s house and wonders what happened.
“I can’t believe no one wants to hire me,” Jed whined from the comfort of his childhood room. “Everyone claims they’ve never heard of Strayer. But haven’t they ever surfed porn? You can’t get to the good stuff without going through all of the Strayer pop-up windows.”
 |
|
It pops up while viewing porn (um, or so they say) and looks too good to be true – Nothing suspicious here
|
“Jeddie-baby,” his mother interrupted from downstairs. “Dinnie-winnie is ready.”
“Just shoot me,” Jed pleaded.
Thousands of Americans are seduced each year by the pop-up window siren call of these so-called universities. Although Strayer’s advertising claims over 20 “campuses,” most are little more than a voice mail recorder and mail slot.
As part of this exclusive report, MockingWord consulted over thirty different publications that rank college institutions to investigate Strayer’s ranking. We also visited a number of more traditional campuses to draw comparisions. After completing our research, we found only one indisputable truth: College girls are soooo hot.
Asked if he should have been suspicious of an institution that did not allow him to meet college girls and offered him both undergraduate and graduate degrees upon the completion of only 12 classes, Jed shook his head sadly. “I suppose I should have been suspicious,” he sighed. “But when they said I qualified for the special 1-class ‘double PhD promotion’, how could I say no?”
“Maybe I’m just not marketable enough,” he added. “I was looking into their new 10-class joint JD/MBA/MD program. What do you think?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
