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VATICAN SLAMS GAY MARRIAGE; OKAYS GAY SEX WITH PRIESTS
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TTHE VATICAN – Not long after calling the idea of gay marriage “gravely immoral,” the Vatican clarified that it was not saying that all homosexual acts are “gravely immoral,” or even that all homosexuals are condemned to eternal damnation.
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| Vatican: Gay sex should never lead to life-long bond of marriage
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“A gravely immoral act, or mortal sin in more traditional parlance, may result in a sort of early enrollment in Hades,” a Vatican spokesman explained, beginning noticeably to sweat, “while a merely immoral act, or venal sin, is at worst a purgatory issue, often resulting only in the molester’s, I mean sinner’s, reassignment to another unsuspecting parish.”
“Does it look like it could storm?” the spokesman digressed, his eyes nervously scanning the cloudless heavens. “Maybe we should go inside.”
“Even then,” he continued, breaking into a brisk walk toward a nearby building, “Some penance must be made, of course.”
“This may seem contrived to the non-ordained, but we have centuries of practice with fine-line distinctions like this,” the spokesman explained further, now jogging while repeatedly crossing himself as he spoke. “For example, if you asked about a Priest fondling an unsuspecting choirboy, the Vatican would say ‘immoral,’ whereas if you asked about someone supporting the idea of gay marriage, the Vatican would have to say ‘gravely immoral.’”
“Great Lord Jesus, please spare me from the hell-fire,” he then exclaimed, slamming the building’s heavy door behind him.
“The Vatican’s position is that ‘man-love’ should be limited to moments of weakness between a man and his Priest,” said the aging Cardinal Charles Grabber, feverishly working to complete one million “Our Fathers” before his death. “This issue has nothing to do with love and marriage. And, just so you know, you’ll go straight to Hell if you say it does.”
No admittedly homosexual Catholics could be reached for comment.
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