HOLLYWOOD , CA – With its Craftsman tool brand struggling to retain market share, Sears this morning announced a multi-million dollar deal with filmmaker Mel Gibson to feature Craftsman tools in the DVD version of Gibson's blockbuster "Passion of the Christ."

"I can't tell you how excited we are," beamed Sears CEO Alan Lacy, seeming oblivious to the tremor beginning to shake the Sears Tower.  "When you're nailing the Savior of the world to the cross, you should use only the best. If our hammer's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for your home improvement project."

Gibson confirmed the deal with Sears, saying that scenes in the movie will be digitally edited for the DVD to show Craftsman logos on all tools used in the movie.  So as not  to appear anachronistic, Gibson said the logos will be in Aramaic with English subtitles.

Editing scenes has proven more difficult than expected, however, according to graphics experts, many of whom  are now receiving hazard pay on account of the frequent lighting strikes at Gibson's studio.

"It's hard to see anything, much less Craftsman's logo, with all the blood flying around," said one technician.  "But Mr. Gibson said we can just do the whole crucifixion in slow motion if that's what it takes to give Craftsman enough screen time through all the gore."

"That's how the Jews would have killed Jesus anyway if they had slow motion back then," Gibson remarked.

With "Passion of the Christ" DVD sales expected to set records, word of other product placement deals spread like wildfire.  One rumor had lumber company, Georgia Pacific, sponsoring the True Cross by Georgia Pacific, and arts and crafts chain, Michaels, lending its logo to the Crown of Thorns.

Meanwhile, reports from Chicago indicate that a giant fissure may have opened directly beneath the Sears Tower, swallowing the skyscraper whole.  Executives for Georgia Pacific and Michaels could not be reached for comment.