LOS ANGELES, CA – Men found a surprise ally in the battle against prostate cancer this week when UCLA medical researchers revealed that, according to their studies, "frequent ejaculation appears to reduce the risk of prostate cancer in men."

Armed with this new information, doctors immediately began prescribing regular "porn treatment" for patients at a high-risk of developing prostate cancer.  While the treatment is typically self-administered, qualified nursing professionals, or at least professionals willing to pose as qualified nurses, will be made available in select locations. 

"Porn may prove to be one of the most effective weapons in our cancer-fighting arsenal," UCLA researcher Dr. Richard Lube admitted, smiling as a nurse applied a prodigious amount of Vaseline to his right hand.  "And it's certainly a lot more fun than eating vegetables."

Capitalizing on the study results, one of world's largest porn movie producers, Vivid Video, said it would soon add a label to its products touting the cancer-fighter benefits of using porn.

"We we're going to use a label saying something like 'proper use of this video can reduce your risk of prostate cancer,'" Vivid President David James recalled.  "But then we remembered that this is porn, not Bran Flakes, so we're using the label: 'beating off can beat off prostate cancer.'"

While some health officials caution that the study results may have been overstated, the IRS nevertheless is bracing for an avalanche of new medical tax deductions.  "We're recommending clients claim anything sex related," said one H&R Block accountant.